Written by J.M. Bergman
Prayer is free, but it’s anything but passive. I argue it’s the deadliest weapon we’ll ever receive. It terrifies demons and destroys the darkest powers of the universe. Amazing.
But I have trouble getting there some days. In fact, my battlefield is ridden with false leaps of faith that burned out after the second or third storm ripped through.
Just shy of my nineteenth birthday my doctor told me I’d probably never have children. A few years later I found out I’d probably never work outside the home again.
The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I know this, and yet I’m still shocked when the accusations hit heavy all day. I know are probably lies, but they cut anyway: “You’re pathetic. It’s all in your head. Life isn’t that hard, you’re just weak.”
So, here I am in the present with no children. My career is over, and I hardly leave the home for anything other than medical appointments. The fight against shame, fear, and doubt is never-ending. Exhaustion hangs like a heavy fog, with colours of stress and disappointment.
Why won’t you help me, Jesus?
I hear him whisper back, “Why won’t you use the weapons I died to give you?”
I cry out, “I can’t do anything unless you heal me!”
But what if my healing isn’t meant for this lifetime? When I first considered God had a bigger plan that didn’t include winning the war against chronic pain, I cried and cried. Why wouldn’t the God who “works all things for the good of those who love Him” (Romans 8:28) use His power to heal me? But these questions came from my human understanding. I can only see part of the picture for now.
“Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely” (1 Corinthians 13:12).
I’ve realized I have to set aside space to know my Creator intimately, rather than just expecting answers to prayer. I don’t have all my answers yet, but as I learn more of His truth, I’m beginning to understand His ways.
“For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory” (Romans 8:29-30).
Through prayer and reading my Bible this is what I’m learning about my Creator and His gifts:
Hope is the wellspring of life that flies like a flaming arrow, shattering the darkness! God can heal all brokenness, and He will. In His time.
Grace flows like a refreshing brook, watering my parched soul. He’s not finished with me yet.
God is so good. His ways are far above anything I’ll ever understand. And I trust His goodness.
His joy is like a thundering waterfall, soaking His kingdom!
These are our weapons of intimacy that bring us into His presence anytime we come to Him in prayer. It’s time I learn to search for these treasures first instead of wasting hours, days, and years looking for fulfillment in this world.
We aren’t in this battle alone. Sometimes we don’t realize how strong we can be through Him until everything else is taken away from us.
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light” (1 Peter 2:9).