What Does Holy Sexuality Mean?

Hope for the journey of long, faithful obedience

Written by Laura Gobbels

When I was nine years old, I encountered pornography for the first time. I did not even have the language to recognize what I was watching and why it captivated my attention. 

I was often full of shame and felt like I wanted to hide away from God. What does holiness mean when we think about sexuality? How does a person work towards this lofty sounding goal? What does progress look like in the midst of sexual temptations and struggles? 

These questions plagued my life for many years. Holiness in sexuality means honouring God in how we use our bodies, the thoughts we think, and the way we see and treat others. As Christians, we live in the reality that we are made holy by God but that we continue to struggle with sin. 

An early church familiar with sexual sin and temptation was in Corinth. Paul writes this to them:

Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived! The sexually immoral, idolaters, adulterers, male prostitutes, men who engage in illicit sex, thieves, the greedy, drunkards, revilers, swindlers—none of these will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you used to be. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God (1 Corinthians 6:9-11 NRSVUE). 

This passage reveals that the Corinthian church was full of people who had sexual struggles, and yet Paul reminds them that before God they are justified because of Jesus’ sacrifice. Not only are we all justified before God, but we’re also washed clean. And we are continually being sanctified by God’s power. 

This truth can be a great comfort when we mess up and feel the very opposite of holy, but that still does not address what progress looks like as we aim for holy sexuality. 

The passage I quoted above is part of one of the longest discourses in the Bible about sexual immorality. In chapters five to seven, Paul speaks to the Corinthian church about how they are allowing sexual immorality and how they are not honouring God with their bodies. In 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, Paul reminds them that their identity is no longer in their sin, but in Christ. They have a new identity of holiness. 

I once asked a youth pastor how I could work toward holiness even as I still struggled with sexual sin. He told me, “If you try to make the goal sexual holiness, you won’t achieve it. The goal is to love Christ, follow, and obey him. As you pursue Christ, your actions will follow.” 

This is what it means to journey toward holiness. It means looking to Christ (and to keep returning to him when we get distracted). If we’re focused only on attempting to manage our behaviours to make progress, we’re missing the point. 

When I changed my goal, it made all the difference. I was no longer trying to manage my behaviour, I was pursuing God who loves me, cares for me, and sanctifies me. Out of this focus on my relationship with God, my behaviour began to change. 

Our journeys to holy sexuality will continue for our whole lives. Progress in holiness is slow. Actually seeing our own growth toward holiness is never easy, and we don’t all move at the same pace or grow in the same way. 

Perhaps growth means an increasing conviction over our sin, causing us to love that sin less. Or we may still cling to our sin and revel in it. Progress then may mean realizing that sin brings death, and this sin is no different. The theologian Saint Augustine once wrote in his book Confessions, “Lord, give me chastity and continence [self-restraint], but not yet!” Confession is another form of growth. Admitting our sins to another believer can help us begin to seek accountability. 

As our hearts change, our struggle with sin will change. Maybe it becomes less difficult to avoid pornography or to see others as people rather than objects. My struggle with viewing pornography is different now than it was when I was a teenager. It now looks like continued vigilance against any temptation through accountability and also being wise with what movies and shows I am watching. I continue to strive towards holiness in my thought life as well. 

Pursuing holiness with our sexuality means pursuing Christ above all else. The struggle with sin will never be over until he comes back, but we follow a God who changes lives and who offers us grace in our time of need. 

Laura Gobbels speaks and writes about embracing biblical sexuality. She has a bachelor of theology from Heritage Bible College and will begin her master of divinity in the fall of 2024.