Written by Allison Wolf of Winnipeg, Manitoba
“Lord, what do you want me to do?” This is a question I have asked God many times, especially over the last few months. I am finishing my third year at the University of Manitoba, and have one more semester before I finish my Bachelor of Arts degree. Considering the time remaining, I have been thinking long and hard about what comes after I receive that little piece of paper that tells me I’ve graduated.
Going into university, I thought I wanted to be a teacher. It didn’t take long for that to change. Since then, I have desperately sought out a new career goal. I pray about it daily. I ask God why He sent me to university in the first place. Why spend all that time, money, and energy for seemingly nothing? God answers me with silence. I ask God for guidance, to show me the path He wants me to take. God answers me with silence.
Each summer between school years, I have gone home. This summer, however, I have decided to stay in the city. It has proven a challenging endeavour. I managed to secure a living space, but had not yet secured a job. After asking God to help me find one, He once again answered me with silence.
When none of the jobs I applied to led anywhere, worry and doubt overcame me. Then, I was offered a position at a bookstore. Though the hours are minimal, made the right choice, but has also strengthened my faith that God is in control and will provide.
Continuously pleading to hear God’s voice only to not hear Him can be a very discouraging thing. Sometimes I wonder if God is even listening, if He even cares. Sometimes I feel very lost and confused. Though I am not sure why God has remained silent with me, I do know this: God wants the best for His children. The best. Not our best. Our best doesn’t even come close to His.
Paradoxically, I’ve come to realize that I have heard God’s voice in His silence. No, He has not given me specific answers to my specific questions, but He has told me that He loves me. And so I will hold onto that in my seasons of silence, because God’s love is the only answer I need. With God’s love, anything and everything is possible.