Written by Katie Pezzutto
“I don’t know if I’m supposed to be an actress.” My friend tilted her face toward the sun, eyes shining with worry. “I’m afraid I’ll mess it up.”
“Mess it up? How?”
She plucked a rock from the ground and studied it. “I want what God wants, you know? But I don’t know what He wants. It’s confusing.”
I got it. Less than a month earlier, I had stepped away from a degree I poured four years of work into. The demands of the program were draining my energy and sucking my health dry. God told me to let go, I swear He did. But even as Macy and I sat on these steps, I was worried about my choice.
I took a deep breath of summer air and slung my arm around her shoulders. “Mac, I just don’t know.”
We sat together, skin basking in sunlight, minds marinating in worry.
Several years later, I look back at my decision to leave teaching and see it as one of the most profound gifts I could have received. My health is astronomically better. I have time to watch Netflix once in a while and actually enjoy the weekends. It’s been a winding road, but I am working in an occupation that I adore. Funny thing is, I still worry about whether or not I made the best decision.
Through recent introspection, I began to realize something profound—the issue has never been whether or not my choices aligned with God’s will. The real trouble started with lies I was believing. I didn’t think God had enough love or power to use my actions for good. The inner turmoil left me questioning.
Through the confusion, God led me back to Romans 8:28: “We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” As I sat down with God, He silenced my disbelief.
He also gave me the following advice for next time I was faced with a big decision:
Did I sit down with my Dad and ask? Just because you didn’t receive an answer right away doesn’t mean your Heavenly Father wasn’t listening or doesn’t care. His purposes are greater than our timelines.
Did I wait? I’m guilty of asking Him a question and then, as soon as another thought pops into my mind, leaving the conversation to complete my to-do list. Practice the art of breathing deep and sitting in silence. Your Dad has something for you.
Do I trust God? Regardless of which decision you make, God will make a way for you. As I write this, memories of my eating disorder come back. As a teenager, I made the uneducated choice to stop eating. Still, God took me through the pain and healed me. He has used my pain to encourage people and lift them out of their own addictions. There will still be consequences to the actions, yes. But, if you let Him, God will use those consequences to draw you closer to Himself.
Did I ask Him again? God uses questions to draw us close to Him. He wants you to sit with Him and revel in the personal things He wants to reveal to you. He’s madly in love with us and will use any chance to get close. “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God” (Romans 8:38-39). If the most powerful beings and forces can’t separate us, questioning, uncertainty and lack of trust will not keep us from Him either.
If you don’t already do so, I encourage you to let yourself commune with God—and not just when answers are needed. The closer you are in relationship with your Heavenly Father, the clearer His voice resonates. At the end of it all, realize that He will work with your passions and desires. He will breathe life into your heart, just lean on Him.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).