Written by Jamila Holder of Brampton, ON

In light of the #relationshipgoals and #Bae revolution dominating the social media world, it’s easy to be consumed with the desire to be in a relationship. Be honest! You know you start to daydream every time you scroll past another “In a relationship” status. I know I am not the only one that asks, “Why am I STILL SINGLE? When God? When will it be my turn?”. Perhaps you have considered, are considering or have already embarked on the mission of “finding your bae.”

I will let you in on three relationship secrets I have learned over the years about being impatient.

Lesson 1: Danger! Things are not always what they seem!

He was slick! He even came to church to prove he was interested in a relationship. He had studied me, knew what to say and was quite intelligent. I was naively 21, preparing to graduate and was sure I was ready to mingle. He wasn’t saved and had a terrible smoking habit, but I was going to change him. He was my first and last attempt at missionary dating. Needless to say, it ended badly! He did teach me an important lesson though: when you start with low quality ingredients you end up with low quality products. Be real! You can’t make people change!

Lesson 2: “Desperation” + “Wrong time” = Wrong way to start!

He was a youth leader, he loved God and he was handsome! I honestly thought he was “the one.” What else could you ask for? Surprisingly I could have asked for a whole lot more. For instance, did his character behind closed doors match that of his public life? I learned quickly that perhaps I needed to redefine “the one.” When you are desperately looking for something, you might just find it but only to realize it is not what you needed.

Lesson 3: You attract who you are.

This was a bitter pill to swallow. Have you ever wondered why you attract or are attracted to certain types of guys? You know, the type who has the words “heartbreaker” or “player” tattooed on his forehead? Well, I have learned that perhaps I attract a certain type because there is something within my character that may be attracting them. I had to come to the realization that I was into playing games too. I was not ready for a committed relationship, instead I was bored of waiting.

The moral of the story is this: singleness is not a curse. It is the gift of self discovery that prepares you to attract the right person at the right time! I am proud to say I am still single!