Written by Dagmar Morgan of Toronto, Ontario
Picture an epic landscape covered in tall grass. A girl stands in the centre, hair blowing in an upturning wind, her head towards sky. The clouds darken and part to reveal streams of light, thunder rumbles in the background. Jesus appears, His hand extended. She thinks, “Finally! This is it! He is speaking to me! This is my big God Moment!”
If you’re like me, your most important moment with God was not the grand, majestic, film-worthy moment I described above. My biggest moment with Him was also one of the smallest.
It happened during one of the most mundane parts of my day. The commute. I was worshipping with the radio and praying about family issues. I had always felt like an outsider, but after some challenging loss and trauma it was official, my family and I weren’t talking. There was hurt, guilt, and shame attached to our relationship, and I was convinced that these were the roots that made and defined me. I thought I was unloved, misunderstood, a loser, and that nobody wanted what I had.
In my life I’m surrounded by tight-knit Christian families that have sown into many individuals and cultivated thriving people. One day I asked God, Why didn’t I have that, Lord? How am I going to build a successful life, full of decaying roots that produce a shaky plant at best?
Since that moment I have taken God’s hand and walked through all my childhood hurt, teenage disappointment, early 20s hardships right up until today.
It was such a vulnerable admittance, such an honest question. Well, it was probably more of a complaint. Why can’t I have what others have? What about me?
And so clearly He said, “You do have that.” I was so shocked at the answer because I really didn’t think I had that in my life.
So, I spoke back out loud in my car, “God what do you mean? I so, obviously do not.”
He said, “I am your Father; not your earthly parents. I made you. It does not matter what people have done, what your family has done. I am your Maker; come to me for those things.” It sounds trite but in that tiny little exchange my entire life changed.
It sunk in. Deeply. I was missing nothing. I had Him! I had love, guidance, correction, joy, and purpose. My chest softened and I felt my heart almost sink with the weight of His love. He is my Father.
Since that moment I have taken God’s hand and walked through all my childhood hurt, teenage disappointment, early 20s hardships right up until today. He showed me what happened to you is not who you are. He planted me here. Jesus is the soil I can grow from. He will care for me, fight for me and protect me. Just like a family should.
The more I talk to Him out loud in my car, the more I sing to Him, the more He whispers back who I truly am. He may speak quietly but the impact is as loud as a thousand boomboxes playing the same song. Let Him drown out the world. He is your father. He loves you!
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